There is no denying that we often bend or at least are more accepting of bending the rules for the ones we care about. Our siblings borrow things and sometimes break them, without asking. Our parents make mistakes, our distant relatives may break the law, our friends may test your trust. Nevertheless, you love these people and so, you let the transgressions slide.
However, it begs the question: when someone we trust continuously breaks promises, at what point do you draw the line – the one that makes or breaks the relationship?
Take for instance that boyfriend. The one that says all of the right things – things you maybe have never heard before. You are finally being seen, heard and appreciated just for being you. It’s refreshing and validating. In a word, it’s nice.
You like what he’s said and what he has promised about your future, together. The promises he makes directly correlate with what you believe in and hope for. It’s as if he’s speaking directly to your heart. Not only is he promising, but he is also powerful, in fact he was just promoted to President of his global company.
Unfortunately, not all of your friends and family approve – an issue, but not a deal-breaker. It causes rifts and arguments and even the end of some relationships, but he’s your man. And if they can’t see how good he is for you and how he can provide for you– well then, forget them.
Gradually however, he begins to lose people who are closest to him. One by one, they disassociate with him. The little voice inside your head starts to chirp a warning. But then you hear him charismatically assure you and his remaining friends that there is nothing to worry about and that voice goes away.
Time passes. More talks about what he is planning to do for you. He follows through on the smaller promises, but when it comes to the bigger goals, it surprises you how long its taking him to commit and follow through. But he’s at least trying right? Plus, you love him and have chosen to stand by him. A relationship takes work, right? So you press on.
Then scandals begin to emerge. One by one, they begin to leak out. Your man doubles down to refute such claims. His enemies are at it again. They’ll do anything to destroy him and you. So you join in and dig in to defend him, vehemently. You are closer now more than ever - united and committed to each other. It’s you and him against the world.
While you enjoy how bonded this has made you, deep down you begin to wonder how long that this backlash will last. You’re hoping that these scandals will blow over, eventually.
They don’t. More and more continue to come out, and more of his close friends leave his side. Meanwhile, his enemies only seem to grow. Instead of proving them wrong, he continues to dig in and verbally defend these scandals. That voice inside your head begins to reemerge… “A lot of talk and no action, despite their being a lot of alleged bad action.” You begin to doubt . . .
Then he does something monumental. He accepts his rival’s invitation to a round of poker on foreign soil. This is huge. No one has met with this rival before in many decades. Your man’s actions are inspiring; there may even be an end to this decades-long rivalry. The photos say it all: friendship over adversity. This is a momentous day – a huge win indeed. He returns home and you celebrate his mighty achievement. This is what you’ve been waiting for.
All the while you are celebrating, you are drowning out his loud critics. You ponder – why can’t we celebrate or at least acknowledge his achievement without bashing him? Can’t they see what he has accomplished – the end to an infamous rivalry – a laying down of weapons if you will. One of his critics gets to you when they ask “What has he accomplished?” You respond “He is talking in order to prevent and to end fighting. He has made a peace deal.” They retort “Yes, but the deal is currently being broken.” You sit there in disbelief. They continue, “He made your man look like a fool.” And that hit home. How dare they.
So, you do research to investigate how to prove this critic wrong and all of his haters, for that matter. You research and stomach reading all of the hate. You filter the bashings from the seemingly more factual based, more objective arguments. You still don’t like it, but you do begin to wonder – does this have merit? If so, how much? Doubt starts to trickle in.
His critics and scandals only seem to grow with time and fervor. How much longer will this go on? Can you both survive this?
None are more concerning to you than his alleged affair with Peter S. Burg, former spy and now president of rival company, RSA Federation. Not too long ago, he went to Peter’s headquarters and met privately with him only to then publicly state that Peter is not the threat that your man’s friends and trusted colleagues have said. You are watching this, agape. How could he negate what his own company and his own people have to say in favor of his rival? This is not helping his case in the slightest. Since he was promoted to president 2 years ago, the police have opened an investigation to see if there was any collective fraud being committed by both sides. Your man has and continues to publicly deny these claims, but the investigation is ongoing and people are being indicted and sent to jail. So for him to meet privately with this former secret agent with whom there is a lot of controversy around, for him to then speak out against his own company and people, and then proceeded to invite Peter, home, well it’s unwise to say the least. This puts not only your future together in jeopardy, but your safety as well. To reassure you, he has asserted that he has the best lawyers and is so powerful, that he won’t end up in jail. You know an innocent person does not state that.
That warning voice inside your head has never been louder.
So what now? Stay in this abusive relationship or muster the courage to leave?
Do you have a line? And will you stick to it?
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